Reviews: Odds and Ends

Apollo 18

Dir - Gonzalo Lopez

I can never help but think it must be hard to make a horror movie set in space and not have it written of as a Sci-fi movie, not that there's anything wrong with science fiction. Just you need a little more disbelief in order for it to work. Alien is a great example, its got great scares and atmosphere but its set in a time and place that doesn't exist to me so i wright it of as Sci-fi more then horror.

That being said i have to applaud the makers of Apollo 18 did a great job of setting the time and place, The "found footage" seems like it may have come from the 70's as well as the spaceship itself resembles the cramped cone shaped pods we're accustomed to see astronauts in. the acting is good and set design is outstanding. Its still not a great movie but what "found footage" movie is.

My big complaint about the films...[SPOILERS AHEAD] and its even brought up in the film, is that one astronaut tell the other that they're not going to leave them there, because they need the footage that they've been recording and we've been watching. Which make since seeing how were watching the footage but wait... no one comes both astronauts die and were to believe that another secret mission must have happened, or the spider rock fucking aliens took it down to us.

3 failed missions to the moon out of 5.

Necromentia

Dir. Pearry Reginald Teo

Wow. What a messed up movie. Now i had heard a lot of hype going into this film, some were saying it was such a great horror film that blah blah blah and others were comparing it to hellraiser movies saying that it would be a great sequel (Which i totally agree with after watching it.) but a lot of good hype usually leads me one of two ways when i watch the movie.

1. i already hate it cause you've made such a big deal out of it that if its anything other then cinematic gold then its crap.

2. there can be no way that this movie as is good as people say it is and it if it turns out to be shit then i'm giving up on horror and just watching Adam Sandler movies from now on.

It turns out this movie is quite good, in fact i'd say most of the hype was founded. there cool characters, none of who you'll really like but there still cool, and some really messed up imagery. most off all it a great little story about love, revenge and what some people are willing to do to get back what they have lost.

4 pig heads out of 5

Straw Dogs

Dir. Rod Lurie

before anyone of you give me shit about Straw Dogs not being horror, i tell you one thing... Go fuck yourself. Some people may call this a Thriller some may call it a drama, but really does this movie not have everything that our classic revenge horror films have. Don't get me wrong in no way am i saying this because i think this movie was great (it was alright) its just that sometimes we have to let some movies fall into categories we don't agree with.

anyways this is a remake of a classic cult film and it doesn't do that bad as far as remakes go, solid acting and great back and forth banter between rich boy cyclops and Eric the Vampire. Cyclops also does a great job fighting of the rape-y rednecks, and killing the fuck out of them.

3.5 Bear traps to the head out of 5.

Reviews: Alienated Aliens

The Thing (2011)
Dir. Matthijs Van Heijningen Jr.

Many people refereed to this as a 'The Thing' Remake although its not, but again as to our understanding of what a remake is, it is... it takes place in practically the same place and large parts of the story are interchangeable, so it kind of is. Its a prequel to John Carpenter's 'The Thing' (1982) Which is a remake of the 1951 'The Thing From Another World'... but anyways lets talk about the 2011 'The Thing'. 'The Thing' fallows a group of Swedish and American scientist at a isolated Antarctica research site who have stumbled upon a shape shifting alien that loves to devour humans and likes to wear them. the great part about these movies is the paranoia that strikes the people put in the situation. The actors do a great job and while a lot of the hype for this movie was around the SFX which was supposed to be all practical FX with a little CG added in but it turned out to be a lot more CG then practical. A lot of people seem to have a problem with that If you can get past the CG FX, then this is a good movie.

                                  4 hand spiders out of 5

Attack the Block
Dir. Joe Corrish

A teenage gang, made tuff from the hard streets of south London must fight for there lives against some of the cooler aliens that i've seen for a while... their pitch black gorilla wolf looking things with glowing teeth. I kind of expected this movie to suck, i didn't see how anything i heard about it could be true, some cheesy low budget movie about a street gang fighting of aliens, i've seen thing similar to this before and it always turns out to be a shit movie. but this movie worked out great. super action lots of death and the fat friend from Shaun of the dead as a drug dealer.

4 Crazy Alien Gorilla Wolves out of 5.



Altered
Dir. Eduardo Sanchez

The jest of Altered is that 5 friend were abducted by aliens and then release except for one who was dead, fifteen years later there looking for payback. Altered as a low budget alien abduction movie with a twist, the alien is the one that's abducted. The four surviving guys have captured one of the aliens that abducted them fifteen years earlier... OK this is way out there.
This movie is pretty crazy still a good watch but it seems to be slow paced at times and hard to fallow. but give it a try.

3 abducted dudes out of 5.

Reviews: Then Turn Back Stupid.

This weeks reviews well be of a series of movies in the subcategory of the slasher genre i call 'family slasher' not that its family safe, more that it usually a family of inbred retarded freaks doing the killing. These movies usually have a group of people going out to back country/Bum fuck nowhere, for no good reason and then they all get slaughter except one or two who happen to win a small victory other then all their friend and family being dead. such movies include Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Hills Have Eyes, and the dreadful Skinned Deep to name a few. But me, i'm going to go with a newer series...

Wrong Turn (2003)

Dir. Rob Schmidt

Now i know a lot of people give 'Wrong Turn' a thumbs down and to them i say "Go fuck yourself!" What the else do you wont from this kind of movie, it a great take on a classic idea given a nice twist and some really nice make up done on those retarded redneck folks. Anyways i'm a fan of this movie (as you could probable tell) Its got some sweet kills, good acting and Eliza Dushku's Boobs in a nice tight tank top and that part in the cabin where they have to silently watch one of the close friends butchered in front of them with out letting the Freaks know their there, classic. The plot is pretty straight forward young man meet up... crashes into five other young people, in backwoods America and have to fight for there lives against Cannibalistic redneck retards. To tell you more then that would be a waste.

4 Barbed wire smile out of 5

Wrong turn 2: Dead End. (2007)

Dir. Joe Lynch

OK, so by definition sequels in horror movies are bad, (Nightmare on elm st. 2 we're looking at you.) so i wasn't really expecting much going in to it... and i didn't get much from it. To be honest i like this movie its just fails in comparison to the first (this series shares a lot with 'Scream' in that way) but what this movie does have.. is Henry Rollins, and that's awesome. So this time there is a reality T.V. show about survival being filmed in the Cannibalistic redneck retards back yard, and their hungry. People die, parts get eaten, redneck retard incest... what more could you want.

3 Fingers out of 5

Wrong Turn 3: Left for Dead (2009)

Dir. Declan O'Brien

When I said that these movies share something in common with the Scream franchise i meant that like the scream franchise as each new sequel come out and is worse the original movie seems to look worse and worse, just like the 'Saw' movies, the first saw is great, but as each watered down sequel came out the First movie got forgot about. Now, After saying that you probably think i'm not going to have anything good to say about this movie and... i don't, again it not that bad its just a worse then part 2 which was worse the part 1. I even kind of like the idea behind this one more then 2, Some hardened criminals should put up a pretty good fight against some stupid rednecks, but they don't. boo-urns.

2.5 razor-wire traps out of 5.

Needless to say i am excited about seeing the 4th installment of the series that i guess is more of a prequel then a sequel, but who cares, i just wont to watch some teenagers die.

News: Awesome new Texas Chainsaw Massacre ltd. Edition

Decided to throw this up here because i think its pretty awesome. Gorgon Video is release a limited edition of Tobe Hooper'S original Texas Chainsaw Massacre for its 40th anniversary.

The set includes:

• A Leatherface apron
• Theatrical mini-poster
• Five audio options
• Four feature commentaries with the filmmakers and cast
• Hours of new bonus features, including newly-discovered deleted scenes, featurettes, behind the scenes, and more!
• + A FREE 2-disc copy of Tobe Hooper's Eaten Alive

So all and all its a nice little collection, the Apron and mini-poster are a nice touch. plus you get Eaten Alive so it not bad. the price tag is $99.98 which is steep but its still pretty cool. check it out here:

http://gorgon-video.com/products/the-texas-chain-saw-massacre-40th-anniversary-black-maria-limited-edition

Reviews: A Fabulous Feast.

Feast

Dir. John Gulager (2005)

Feast is one of those movies that has a lot of expectations put on it and doesn't really pay off in the end, now that's not to say that its a piece of shit like most... it's just that expectations were to high for this one. After all the trouble getting it through Project Greenlight 3 everyone thought that this would turn into the next big thing in horror, it wasn't... but it was still a pretty cool movie. 'Feast' has the classic survivors in a isolated location feel to it, like Night of the living dead only with super fast highly lethal killer rubber suit monsters and in a bar. The movie starts of introducing us to everyone giving us a almost video game bio of everyone and letting us know what there "strengths" are and what their odds of surviving are. also this movie has a true no one is safe feel (The first hero dies and a child dies in this one... but wait for part 2) that fallows through the rest of the films. What else can i say about 'Feast' other then it has the feel of a old drive-in movie that's just to fun and gory to forget.

3.5/ 5

Feast 2: Sloppy Seconds

Dir. John Gulager (2008)

What John Gulager did to make 'Feast 1' fast and fun can start to be seen missing in 'Feast 2: Sloppy Seconds'. Yep Sloppy Seconds, that's what they called it. . . Anyways lets see After our few survivors escape the bar and make their way to the closest town, that just so happens to be over run with... you guessed it the same monsters. Shit. alright so more crazy deaths happen and some boobs are shown, there's a longer then it has to be dissection of one of the monsters that just seems to be added for a very long fart joke. This movie falls for the tree of the first movie but not that far, it still good for a laugh and has some great gory gags in it... and a biker chick made tit-girl, and then there's the baby death. Now it hard to believe but they stepped up the no one is safe feel from the first movie by killing a baby (I wonder how Ben and Matt feel about putting the first movie through project greenlight now?) anyways this is the moment where the movie losses half its audience, and i'm talking so hardcore horror movie fan just say... " that's to much" now i'm not going to say weather it stepped over a line or not, but really sometimes we have to agree not every baby is going to live through a Apocalypse.

3/5.

Feast 3: The Happy Finish.

Dir. John Gulager (2009)

Really, you called your second movie sloppy seconds then when you have the chance to go for another "great" title like i don't know, The happy ending, you fuck it up and call your movie 'The Happy Finish' what the fuck... although it does help you to understand what the hell happened with this movie. Ok so say 'Feast' was made for horror fans then the 2nd would have been made for stoners... that would mean that the third was made for people with brain damage that causes them to forget whats going on every ten minutes. This movie is pretty bad considering they had such a strong start, but they just run through ideas like a... I don't know like what but lets just say to much is going on. They add new characters just to have someone to kill off and have some guy who turns out to be a Ninja... he dies. lots of things happen but none of it had to... thats all i have to say about that. OH yes... also more boobs.

2.5/5.