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Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Reviews: Divine Occults.

The Wicker Man (1973)
Dir. Robin Hardy

I figured if i was going to do occult themed movies i should start with the best 'The Wicket Man' and no not that horrible remake with Nick Cage in it. I'm talking about the one that was filmed in a time when the movie feel like it fits. OK so the movie centers around a "too good for his own good" and overly catholic Police Sargent who has come to very isolated, very non catholic island of Summerisle to locate a missing female child, but what he really gets is the greatest mind fuck of all time. He gets swept up in all the open fornicating and pagan rituals that the locals seem to love taking part in, and believes that the young girl is to be sacrificed to appease the gods and Bring on a great harvest in the next year... Could he not be more wrong. 'The Wicker Man' has a great sense of dread though out the whole movie, leaving you guessing as to what is really going on in this little town, and the ending is one of the greatest twist out there.

4.5/5

The Shrine (2010)
Dir. Jon Knautz

Now lets jump ahead a few years. 'The Shrine' me by complete surprise, from reading the netfilx synapses i thought it sounded like a decent idea but it turned out to be better then i had thought. We fallow 3 young journalist investigating some disappearances that have happened around a remote village in Poland. When they first get there the locals are anything but and Our group of three notice a strange amount of smoke coming out of the woods in the distance. After they watch some rather weird happenings at the local church they decide to investigate said smoke and get chased of by more unfriendly locals. Its at this time one girl decides they need to know whats up with the smoke and they go investigate. Now, here's where i see a problem, [SPOILERS] If you live in a isolated town know for its disappearances, with a crazy dark ring off smoke that you constantly have to chase people away from because... oh i don't know you may have a demon statue that posses people that see it... you may want to build a fence around it. Anyways, shit goes crazy, someone gets a mask hammered on to her face, a family gets disemboweled and some crazy priest save the day... kind off.

3.5/5.

Kill List (2011)
Dir. Ben Wheatley

Alright, I'm Sorry. Just for including this movie in a section entitled Divine Occults spoils a huge part off this movie and if your reading this before you've seen the movie then i fucked it for you... but anyways, this movie is good... i think. What i mean to say is i like this movie. Don't I? I'm really not sure. its slow paced, its story is barely coherent at times, and some of the English accents are so thick they are almost not understandable, But the pay off at the end is so good maybe i'm willing to over look the first 75 minutes because of the last 20. Not that the first off the movie is bad it just always had me waiting for something to happen... until something finally did happen.

3.5/5.

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Reviews: Killer Kid Movies.

The Children (2008)
Dir. Tom Shankland

As i said in the Top 5 Christmas segment The children from 'The Children' are the creepiest to date. Think about sitting at your family Christmas get together and not knowing if that little shit sitting across from you is thinking about cutting your throat, or breaking your leg on some monkey bars... Ouch. Anyways this movie is great, i love the fact that your guessing all the way through weather one kid is crazy or not. the gore is lite but still top notch and the acting is great. That i think my be the selling point, child actors for one must be a pain to deal with and to have this many kids pull of so much cool shit is great.

4/5.




The Omen (1976)
Dir. Richard Donner

Man, if you found out that your son was the son of the devil, why would you wont to kill him. Your on easy street stupid. Set back and wait for your son to take over and give you a sweet job like... Supreme ruler of Canada or something to that effect. but anyways that's enough daydreaming, Damian is one crazy little shit factory. This kid doesn't kill you he get you to kill yourself, or makes the world around you kill you as in the great beheading scene with the plate of glass that removes David Warner's head from his body. this kids is pure awesome evil.

3.5/5.



The Village of the Damned (1960)
Dir. Wolf Rilla

to me this movie and 'Bad Seed' really are to blame for the killer kid category of the horror genre, and as it sit its still one of the best. These kids are creepy. After a entire town passes out from unknown reasons every a lady not capable of carrying a child is now pregers and all give birth to weird white haired devil spawn. years later the kids are capable of controlling people to do horrible things. The stories dated by the black and white but its heads and tails better then the John Carpenter 1995 remake that wouldn't have sucked so bad if Christopher Reeves and Kristie Alley could have stopped eating up the scenes when ever they could.

3.5/5.

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Reviews: Cannibalistic Humanoid Blah Blah Blah.

C.H.U.D.
Dir. Douglas Cheek

C.H.U.D. is one of those movies that hardcore genre fans will stick up for and say that it has more redeeming qualities then it really does. I'm not one of them. O.K. for a good laugh or made a party night with some friends this movies fine, but its just to ridicules to try and look at as anything as a parody of classic 50's and 60's monster movies. Maybe that's what it is and I'm trying to make more out of it, but i've had to many people try and tell me that this movie is great. For a b-movie its what it should be, Fun and dumb.
2.5/5





The Descent
Dir. Neil Marshall


There's a argument that horror movies are sexist against women, and I well agree that some are, but Neil Marshall's the decent would not be one of them. This mostly all female cast pulls out probably the best horror movie of 2005. When a group of female thrill seekers goes on a spelunking expedition it turns out to be more then just tight spaces and the dark they have to worry about when weird humanoid nocturnal creatures start killing them one by one. It really is a great movie with very claustrophobic moments and second takes where your asking yourself if you just saw what you think you saw.
4.5/5




The Burrowers
 Dir. J.T. Petty


Period movies are hard to pull off in the horror genre, but lately there have been some really stand out movies, and this is one of them. O.K. So the creatures in this film aren't quit humanoid, but they are creepy as fuck. After a family vanishes from their homestead a group of brawny cowboy types head out to find them, but what at first look like a simple case of cowboys vs. Indians soon takes a turn for the worse when something under the ground starts killing all those around. This movies pretty well done, it has a tight cast good monster effect and a solid story, if you haven't seen it diffidently give it a try.
4/5

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Reviews: Creature Features

Critters
Dir. Stephen Herek

So let's just say i'm not saddened when these cut little fuzzballs are set loose on this small mid-west town. They're just to cute to stay mad at. Critters are little furry space monsters who have escaped capture and landed on earth and started to feast on the small town of Anywhere, USA (not real town name.) but close on the tails are shape shifting hunters. I love Critters, its one of those movies that dons't make any apologizes. Yes its goofy, yes there's no reason for it, but you can just enjoy the ridiculousness of it. It takes no time to get in to the meat of the story and doesn't  really let up. I know its just a 'Gremlins' rip off, but it's nothing like 'Gremlins'. Ok, maybe i'm just making excuses for it because I had my first underage beer to it. I still think its a great movie. 3/5



Hypothermia
Dir. James Felix McKenney

Not a lot of creature features being made nowadays, and that's a crying shame, but lucky young Director McKenney has made a great one. On a fishing trip a family must first put up with a loud mouth rich bastard then a amphibious monster with a poisonous touch. This is a awesome little movie that traps are would be heroes un a frozen lake with a fish person under it. The creature doesn't get much time on camera and i think that's because the suit isn't great but the actor in the suit does a great job of making it look creepy when you do see it. Michael Rooker doesn't get the chance much to be anything but angry redneck, this movie see's him as a family man and all around good guy, it's nice to see him as anything other then Merle Dixon (i hate you walking dead t.v. show.). 4/5



Tremors
Dir. Ron Underwood

Tremors is like the buddy cop movie of creature features. Kevin Bacon and Beef jerky team up to fight giant worms trying to eat their small dirty town. Graboids are underground worm like creature that hunt by vibrations on top of the ground. As the town begin to become aware of whats going on they must try to get out of the valley they live in without making any sound or vibrations. In the end they just kill the creatures, . This movie is a great classic throwback to classic monster movies of the 50's and 60's, as well as some Western movie theme thrown in there for fun. Its a great little flick with good laughs and frights. Also i'd like apologize to Fred Ward, your not beef jerky, your awesome.  4/5

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Reviews: Big Bad Beast

Grizzly
Dir. William Girdler

Grizzly is this great little low budget killer bear movie from 1976. Based in a National Forest, it pits campers and forest rangers against a 18-foot tall killer grizzly. The movie has some definite flaws and the acting is sometimes terrible and the bear is mostly a fact bear claw swinging at peoples faces and guts, But there's a soft spot in my heart for a movie i can just kick back and not think about. The climax is less then great and you can tell its just a 'Jaws' rip off, but who cares, call some friends over, have some beers and watch a fake claw rip up some helpless campers.   3/5





Razorback
Dir. Russell Mulcahy

Film in 1984 in the Australian Outback, a large killer Razorback has been terrorizing the locals. Much like Jaws director Russell Mulcahy had trouble with his large killer animal robot, sadly he had more of a challenge concealing his monster and making it work for the movie instead of against it. Where Spielbreg could hide his monster under water there are only some many places to hid a giant pig. That being said the movie is still fantastic, the Australian Outback is full of atmosphere and almost seems other worldly in parts, the use of lights and color really make for some great shots. The acting is good, sometimes stale but still passable. The crotchety old bastard that's been hunting the beast since it killed his grandchild is great. The ending falls a little short from the rest of the movie and feels rushed. but still I think this movie is great.   3.5/5



Jaws
Dir. Steven Spielbreg

What can you say about jaws, its at the top of most peoples "best horror lists" it ushered in main stream horror and summer block busters. Jaws is awesome. That's it. Filmed in 1975 Jaws is set in a small tourist town of Amity Island where a killer great white shark has started to kill some silly humans. The real meat of the story isn't until the hunt when Sheriff Brody, Shark Hunter Quint, and oceanographer Hooper go out to hunt this giant killer shark, songs are sung, alcohol is drank, cages go in water, giant shark sinks boat then explodes. What more can you ask for.

4/5

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Tirades, Rants and Riots.

Godzilla: King of the Monsters



I don't really like to get excited for movies before I see them. Even if they turn out to be alright, they still Probably live up to the hype, and if they suck... we'll they suck worse. Anyways i've been trying very hard to keep my expectations to a minimum when it comes to the Tri-star pictures re-imaging of 'Godzilla', but between all the T.V. spots and marketing ads I couldn't help but get excited. It's like a real 'Godzilla' movie, not some bastardized version or a 'Pacific Rim' ripe off.

Well,  I did. I went and saw the new 'Godzilla' movie, And it was quite good. Godzilla is Huge. I mean some of the promotional images would have you believe he was to big for this planet, he's not. But he is the Largest Godzilla to date. He's not on screen much but when he is his size can really be felt, and the monster fights are fun to watch... not as fun as a couple of guys and monster suits, but there are some definite cheering moment during them.

The Good: I ended up feeling as i left the theater is that this was a sequel to the first Godzilla movie and to alot of the toho movies, it feels rooted in its own history but still feels like a jumping of point. Director Gareth Edwards was the perfect pick for this movie, hell he already made a monster movie called 'Monsters' and know then, that the best way to treat a story like this is to focus on the people involved not the monsters.

The Bad: For a 2 hour Godzilla movie, you don't see much Godzilla. I understand they were trying to do the its scarier if you only get glimpses of the monster, but come on he's 120 - 150 meters tall, you can only hide something that big in so much smoke. Some plot devices were far to convenient, but it not enough for me to get upset over.